If Star Wars and the NFL ever got together to make a baby, we’d all be doomed. The marketing machines behind both license-happy organizations would soon take over the world, branding everything from cookies to pancake molds. Oh, wait, it’s been done.

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Just because everybody can sing, doesn’t mean they should. Blame American Idol if you will, but no longer is home-singing relegated to the privacy of the shower. The kitchen invasion is on, and the Gama-Go Sing-a-long Tongs are here to help. The microphone-shaped silicone utensil is dishwasher safe and is sure to strike a chord in the kitchen. Just don’t blame the cooking if everybody goes running.

As every burger connoisseur knows, there are exactly five and only five* condiments that should be put on each and every hamburger. Any more than this magical combination and the burger balance would get all thrown out of whack, any less and the burger will never be truly complete, leaving the burger-eater yearning for what may have been. Naturally, these exact five condiments are …

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Forks, by and large, are easy to operate, so by that thinking they must be due for a makeover. As fork-users have had it far too easy for far too long, it’s about time they were presented with something of a challenge.

Designed for use on the grill as a thermometer and a timer, the Cuisinart Programmable Digital Temperature Fork takes the guesswork out of grilling meats, poultry and seafood. (Assuming of course one has learned how to use it.) Set the temperature or desired doneness level and let the timer do all the heavy lifting. (Of numbers, that its—the fork still has to do the real lifting.) As for the forkophobes technophobes out there, used to the blinking 12:00 lifestyle, the fork may have a timer, but a clock is not incorporated!

What do you call a mint that is not your own? Nacho mint! Har har. Ah, I’ll be here all week. As will my breath. But seriously folks, Nacho Mints. Cheesy Nacho Mints. That you buy and ingest. You do, that is. Because I’m gonna stick to the real thing. (And by real, I mean that processed, goopy stuff.)

See also: Nacho Lip Balm

Morning is the one time of the day best served on automatic. From timed coffee makers to toaster-ovens that deliver perfectly browned toast, bagels or pastries, breakfast probably is the last meal that anyone wants to pay any attention to while actually making it. Still, I can’t help being drawn to the MoMA Stovetop Toaster.

Looking somewhat like a rectangular un-popped Jiffy Pop container, the handheld toaster is meant to be used on a gas or electric range. Place a slice of bread on top of the gridded side and set it on the burner. It might not be the most precise of kitchen gadgets, but for only eight bucks, it won’t cost a lot to find out just how asleep you really are in the morning while making breakfast.